For those who are reading my blog, this is just a random post where I just feel like wanna crap whatever thoughts I'm having now. I'm fine and so, no worries. :)
Hmmmm, sometimes, I wonder, what am I doing now is it right or wrong. It seems right sometimes, but the next moment, it seems wrong. I don't know how to describe my current feeling right now. Perhaps, confused and annoyed are those feelings I'm having now. Hmm.. =/
I don't know how to handle people-relationship situation. Or I should say, I'm not really good at handling all these things. Most of the time I'm very quiet in front of those people I don't know. And those who know me well, you should know how I'll react to when I'm really close with you. No doubt, you'll find that I'm actually crazy, funny, blur, talk a lot of craps and blahhh. So, please bare with my insane-ness. Lol.
I'm everywhere. I don't belong to any fixed group. I mean......... People come and go. Friends that I'm really close with leave without noticing me. I told myself, it's okay, I should be happy because they found a better one than me. But, when all these incidents pile up, it ended up with a really deep scar. It makes me become even more sensitive and having those insecure feeling now.
I always blame myself for causing all these problems. I guess that's one of the reason why I really protect and give full attention to those I really care. I love them as I love my family.
My principle: They happy, I happy. They sad, I sad. Just that simple.
If I got the chance to choose, I prefer to have a fixed group that I can hang on with. Not to say I don't like mixing around, I'll still mixed around with other people. Perhaps, having a fixed group of people make me feel more secure and easier to communicate.
Trust is an issue I need to deal with. I don't know how to express myself to others, not even with the closest one. I'm not trying to hide, but.....maybe.....perhaps.... I guess I'm just being pampered by them too much. They know what to do when I'm not in the mood. They'll try to approach me and try to "force" me to say whatever I wanted to say that I kept inside my heart. So, it become a habit for me now. =/
Yea, as I said, they really know me too well. I'll say it out after being "force" by them, but my habit..... Hmmm, I always say halfway.....then stop somewhere along the line. So, ended up I'll make them mad. Lol. *Sorryyyyy* =/
Sometimes, we really need to find someone whom you can trust to share your feelings out. It definitely makes you feel better. I don't know why it is so hard for me share my feelings to others nowadays. I wanted to, but the moment when I want to say it out, some voice inside me ask me not to. So, I stop myself from being expressive. Then, slowly.....I choose to keep everything to myself.
Few years back, I did. Can't be denied, that's the most memorable and happiest friendship I had ever. Not to say who give in more or whatever. I enjoy all the moments I spent with the one I really care. Yet, that's also the most hurtful friendship I experienced. And it's now all left with memories.
I'm just scared I'll trouble them when I find them. I told this to the one I'm really close with. Anything you guys need help, someone to listen or talk, you're always welcome to find me. But the respond I get from them is exactly the same like me.
"Scared they'll trouble me". Lol. =]
Don't worry, as I've said, I'm fine. Just a random feeling I had. As usual, because of my over-thinking and over-sensitiveness, I always ended up thinking non-sense. Seriously, sometimes I feel like banging my head on the wall.
Always smile no matter how heart broken you are. :)
My promised; If you need me, I'll always be there for you; anytime and anywhere. Thanks for those who always be with me too. You know who you are. :)
We met people for a reason.
Either it's a blessing or it's a lesson.