Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Learned helplessness - To help or not to help?

Learned helplessness in another more simple term means learned NOT to help. For more detailed explanation, please click here. =]

Today's topic was inspired by a random conversation I had with Sifu this early morning. We started off with some random conversations where he said he saw an accident happened in a cross-junction; a car hit the motorcyclist (Malay) till the motor fly-up high to the traffic light height. The car didn't stop by and just drove away; hit-and-run incident. So, Sifu was just being helpful, he went down and help the person. BUT then he ended up almost got hit by few of the Malay guys *Imma not racist, but that was the truth* The reason is because they thought Sifu is the one who hit the Malay guy. Then, from that day onward, even he saw similar incident again, he choose not to help anymore.

Hmm, interesting fact. We wanted to help at most times, but somehow, the people / environment we lived in make us choose not to help. Not because we can't, but because we're just too afraid to help because we might get into trouble for no reasons.

So, why we learned NOT to help?

1. Due to past negative experiences. 

This is so true. Most of us learned from past experiences. Well, as a Psychology Degree student, we have tons of assignments need to do. T_T.. So one "top activity" we MUST do is to find participants to do our survey / experiment. So, I understand sometimes you might find me / us annoying. Lololol.

When friends asked: "Can you do me a favour and fill in the survey for me? Pleaseee?"
Me: Yes, sure. Here you go. :)

When I asked: "Can you do me a favour and fill in the survey for me? Pleaseee?"
Friends: Yes, sure. *and..........no response at all* -.-

2. Others don't want us to help them.

This happened all the time. We have big-heart and wanted to help the person so much, but the person ended up don't appreciate our help at all. Maybe for the first few times, you'll tell yourself, "It's okay, I'll try again next time..." But after trying, trying and trying..........for more than 10 times. One day, you'll get frustrated. We're all humans, we have our limit. No matter how patience are we, there are times you'll just get frustrated and choose to give up.

3. We only have limited time. 

Very true. Often we want to help, but we were just too busy with our own lives. Once I was asked to participate in a church event going to orphanage to help out. I wanted to go so badly, like reallllly. But I was just too busy with my studies at that time. So, in between studies and helping out, which should I choose?

I was struggling. I don't know which to choose.

4. Negative news from media. 

Well. I guess this had a big impact towards us. We often get hooked to the internet life. We get the latest and most updates news from social media like Facebook, Twitter and so on. News often portray that people help the victims, but ended up got cheated by the victim. It sounds funny, but that's just the truth.

Still remembered few years back, I saw an Indian guy and lady with 2 kids, waving her hands nearby the road side. I stop-by and they said their kid was having fever. They wanted to send their kid to the clinic, but they have no money and asked whether can I send them to the clinic.

In term of money wise, so sorry. My wallet normally only have few bucks left. Lol. And in terms of fetching them, I really wanted to do so. But, I was just too afraid to help them. I do not know their background; some more I'm alone and there's a guy there. Who knows what will they do to me? So, I ended up just left.

To be honest, there are times I really feel like choosing not to help even though I know I shouldn't do so. But still, after re-think, ended up I still choose to help. People said I'm stupid because always help others but ended up own-self get hurt.

Hmm, I don't know. One thing I always tell myself, help others as long as I'm capable to do so because God says so. And also, I believe that helping others make the person feels good, and I feel happy if I'm able to help. By this mean, helping here I don't mean helping with the intention of getting back any form of compensation. Help with a voluntary heart. Also I believe that we might need help too, what if you're in their shoes and no ones there to help you? How would you feel then?

Well. Reality is still reality....... Sometimes, we're stuck in a dilemma where we don't know what to choose between helping and not helping. I never say helping is easy because it requires time, effort, love, patience and so on. When I faced such dilemma, I'll pray to calm myself down. Listen to what His words are. And this verse just came across my mind.

Acts 20:35 
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said. "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

Many people said study Psychology can earn a lot. You gonna be rich next time. But I told them, my main intention to study this field is because I wanted to help people. Then they give me a weird look. Hmm, it might sounds funny to some of you, but that's just what I like to do.

As for now, to be honest, money isn't my biggest attraction. Hmm, in the future, I don't know. And of course, I'm not saying money is not important, I do still need at least a minimum income in order to survive.

To help or not to help?

I choose to help.

Help with a voluntary heart.
"It is more blessed to give than to receive."

1 comment:

Mama Kek said...

Yes I agree with the last part of your post. To help or not to help? I CHOOSE to help. We can't control what others might do to us but we can control our actions. Also, our first priority, as psychologist, should be to help people not earn money:) great post <3